Turning Redneck?
I need to make a few comments before diving into this post. First, I realize that my blog has been quite depressing lately. I’m not really apologizing because this is my blog and I have to be honest for myself. The only thing I could apologize for is not writing when I feel better or normal. However, since I have no idea who is reading this blog or when, I don’t feel that I have much of an audience. But, if you regularly read my infrequent posts, then I thank you. I will try to write when I am happy as well as when I am not. Second, I started writing this as a note for Facebook, but then I realized there’s way more to it than a funny anecdote. It’s about social class, schooling, and a bunch of other things. And while I’d like to make it a totally intellectual type of post, I do not have the brain power for that. So maybe others will comment and add their take. And if you feel that my choice of wording is not appropriate, you should say that, too.
So yesterday we went to a park in Quincy, Illinois. It’s near a school that I would guess is a private or a charter school. The neighborhood is definitely middle to upper class. The moms were mostly dressed nicely. One wore a skirt and a white blouse, another wore nice jeans with a blouse. The kids all had khaki pants/shorts and polo shirts with the school logo on it. They call came to the park after school. I felt a bit rednecked because Chico Habib was wearing gray athletic shorts with an orange stain from silly putty. His shirt was a white t-shirt with some drag racing thing on it. That shirt has been chewed and sucked on so that it looks faded and kind of gross. He was also wearing his knee-high boots, which are actually for girls, but aren’t all that girly looking. Mo looks cute, but her clothes are a bit too small. Her belly is hanging out and she is sporting a plumber butt. To be fair,she has been sporting the plumber butt crack look since she was a toddler. It’s something about the way girls pants are cut, too short waisted or something. I’m not sure what it is, but the girl has a butt and most pants do not seem to be cut for her figure. Now, if she were 20something she’d be fashionable. But at this park, we looked out of place.
Now, I say all this mostly as an observation. I do not in any way feel bad. I love my kids. I love their style. I love that they pick out their own clothes and they don’t always match. I love that they play without worrying about getting their clothes dirty. I love that they are both comfortable in their bodies. They lack that self-consciousness that seems to start so young, especially for girls. I have no problem with a little butt crack showing. I do, however, have a problem with other kids being so intolerant. At least two kids said something to Mo about pulling her pants up, or telling her that her butt was showing. This is a girl that is chubby but is not self-conscious in the least. She feels comfortable in her skin and in her body. She felt comfortable in her clothes, until someone else made her feel uncomfortable.
What I don’t understand is how other kids can be so intolerant. These kids were elementary school aged. They already seemed to think that clothes are important. They seem to already be judging the book by its cover, so to speak. They seem to think it is perfectly OK to comment on a the body of a little girl. I’ve had this happen with my 11 year old nephew, too. I thought that maybe 11 year old boys are somehow more acutely aware of social norms or something. But now I’m not so sure. Now, to be fair, not all the kids were like this. There was one girl who played with Mo and didn’t seem to bat an eye at the belly and buttcrack. My nieces sometimes ask about our unusual habits, such at the kids not wearing shoes or underwear. But they do it in a way that is just curious because we do things differently. I never catch any hint of judgment behind their questions or behind my sister-in-laws answers.
I realize my choice of words may be troublesome. I’m not sure. Is redneck offensive? I know it can be, but it seems that as with many labels, it has been used by the group it is applied to. It has been taken and changed to have an almost positive meaning. I think. I’m not sure. I’m not sure what it means exactly. A friend posted on facebook that she had gone to a redneck birthday party. I wasn’t sure what that meant. I didn’t ask, even though I should have. Are we rednecks because we live in the country? Because even though we have a minivan it is alway dirty? (There is NO SUCH THING as a clean car when you live in the country. You drive over gravel and through mud. It’s not possible to keep our cars clean). Are we rednecks because my kids are mostly barefoot at the park? Are we rednecks because our clothes aren’t "nice?" Because Chico Habib has a buzz cut and is wearing boots? Because his knee is skinned up? Because Mo’s hair is messy (Damn if we can keep it looking neat anyway!)?
So if you have an education and you have money, do you have to do things to prove that? Do we need to wear nice clothes all the time just because we can afford it? Do my kids need to wear nice, clean shoes just because? Should they have nicer haircuts? I don’t think so. I think they are fine and we are fine. I think it’s the rest of the world (though not everyone) that is so hung up on appearances. It seems to me that a lot of people live beyond their means just so they can appear to be more than they are. What is wrong with being a farmer or working class? I grew up in a working class family. My parents worked hard. My dad worked a job that he hated for many, many years. My mom worked jobs with flexible hours or worked third shift so that she could still take care of us, go to school events, etc. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s just weird to me. It’s weird to me that kids can be so judgmental at such an early age. It’s weird that clothes and style are so important, even to elementary school children. It’s weird that girls learn to not like their bodies at such a young age.
I don’t know who or what is to blame for this. Sometimes it’s the parents. Sometimes the parents are fussy and intolerant and they pass that attitude onto their children. Some kids are just naturally fussy. Some kids learn at school (are they learning from the kids who learned from their own fussy parents?). Some learn from the media. I have no idea. I just know that I am glad my kids are not in school. How long would it be before Mo came home crying because some kid told her she was fat and made fun of her? She was upset about the two comments at the park. I can only imagine how much worse school would be.
