Craphead (aka Mommy)

Krimboor often asks me why I’m on the computer all the time. Or, sometimes, he’ll just say something snarky, such as, "Oh, there’s your mom." in mock surprise when he finds me on the computer. It’s true that there are days that I am behind my laptop screen for hours and hours. It’s not usually consecutive, but it adds up during the course of the day. It prevents me from being connected to the kids. It sometimes results in them being bored and fighting. So sometimes it is a problem. Sometimes I am barely on the computer at all. It just depends. One of the comments or posts I read in the Carnival of Natural Parenting made me think about why I use the computer and why it varies as to how much I use it. So here are some thoughts I had about why I use the computer. 

There seem to be three main reasons: 1) I use it if I’m tired, 2) I use it when I am bubbling with ideas so I can write, and 3) I use it to connect with others. I some ways I am using the computer and the Internet as a very poor substitute for time to myself or going out with friends (which I have very few of anyway, at least that live near enough). 

Reading because I’m tired 

I like to read when I’m tired. It’s as if my eyes just want something to do, and for me, reading is it. I’m sure there are people who like to watch TV when they are tired. I am often not in the mood for TV, though I am sometimes content to sit with the kids while they watch and I read my book, a magazine, a cookbook, just about anything. I’m one of those readers. You know, the kind who read the back of cereal boxes at breakfast if there is nothing else to read? Or who read a bottle of shampoo if they need to wait for the conditioner to soak in or something? The best thing about the Internet is that usually things are short reads, so I can be easily interrupted and it’s not a big deal. Sometimes I can read my book during the day, but for the most part that is saved for that time after the kids are asleep and I’m warm and snuggled in bed.

Someday my kids will be old enough that I will actually be able to take a nap when I want or need to. Sometimes I don’t get enough sleep because I stayed up too late reading, watching TV, or, you know, having intimate relations. Sometimes I go to sleep when I should but I don’t sleep well or I get woken up often by kids and cats. Or, in the spring, summer, and fall when the window is open I sometimes wake up to the sound of a raccoon knocking over something, possums or cats fighting, cows lowing (probably for their calves when they are being weaned), or the roosters crowing. Such is country life.

Bubbling with ideas 

Sometimes my brain feels like it is on fire. It doesn’t happen as often as I would like, unfortunately. When it does happen I have tons of ideas, things to research or learn about, and things I want to write about. Sometimes I dream of blog posts or I wake up for some other reason and start writing a post in my head. I can have all those thoughts in my head for a while, but if it is too long or there are too many, then I just have to get them out. That is part of what my two blogs are for, to share those ideas and the things I’ve learned. I used my other blog to journal my gardening experience last spring, to share our experience with chickens, snakes, and cows. I blog here to sometimes rant, to share funny things the kids say, to flesh out my parenting values and beliefs. The best part about blogging, though, is reading other people’s blogs. I have "met" some interesting people that way, some who live halfway around the world. I have been exposed to new ideas and have also found support via the Internet. 

I think when I was teaching this aspect was a bit easier. I may have spent as much time on the computer working with my students and entering grades and stuff, but the ideas got out on a more regular basis. Someday I will definitely go back to teaching part-time. I do love it and I think I’m good at it, but it’s just not the right time. I think I will wait until the kids are older and can take care of themselves better. Then they can stay home with Hubby while he is working, but hopefully not bother him. Or, when they are even older, they can just stay home by themselves, or come to class with me. The options are great, but the time is not quite right. Besides, they will only be little for so long and I don’t want to miss much of this time because I can’t get it back. 

Poor substitute

I admit, though, that the Internet is a poor substitute for real friends that I really see and go out with. It’s a poor substitute for time to myself or actually going to see family members. However, sometimes it’s the best I can do. I cannot just leave the kids and go get some coffee and read a book whenever I want. Someday I will be able to do that, of course. Someday I might be able and willing to leave the kids overnight, but not for now. So every now and then I try to sort of veg out and be alone with my thoughts behind my laptop screen. It doesn’t really work and I think that when the weather is better I should try to go for a walk outside instead or working in the garden. It’s a little easier to get quiet and time alone when the weather is better, that’s for sure!

I do need more friends. Or, at least I need more friends who are closer by. It would be nice to have a group of moms to hang out with as I did in Phoenix. I miss those ladies so much sometimes. I have friends here, it’s just that they often work and the kids are in school and those two things take up a surprising amount of time. Plus, one mom is in graduate school, which takes up even more time. My nieces are involved in extra-curricular activities, so that also limits things to a certain extent. And yet, I really need to stop making excuses and find my tribe here in west, central Illinois. I have another good excuse, but that’s another blog post, I think. I have friends from grade school and high school that I need to reconnect with and try to see on a more regular basis. I love the people that I have "met" on the Internet. I love keeping in touch with people via Facebook and Twitter, but it’s just not the same as going to a playgroup with the kids or a Mom’s Day or Night Out. It’s not the same as having coffee or lunch with a friend.  

There are lots of other things I use the computer and Internet for. I look up lots of things on the Internet, sometimes shop on the Internet, make my lists using Google tasks, use the Google calender, and use my computer to store pictures and videos. I use it for a quick break when I am cleaning or making dinner. I use it as a convenient place to sit down when I’m tired. There’s lots of reasons, of course. I can cut down on the time I’m at the computer by staying busy, making friends, getting enough sleep, and making sure I get enough time to myself. I had a couple of weeks lately where I was barely at the computer. I had time for a quick e-mail check in the morning and that was it. I like to be busy like that, but I can only do that for so long before I need to slow down and rest. That’s kind of where I am at the moment, needing rest. In fact, I think I might go lie down upstairs or go make some food in the kitchen.